i hate mothers day

The problem is that I love the idea of mothers' day.  I love the idea of days that you just decide are going to be special because you want them to be, so you celebrate just for the hell of it.  I love making "adventures" out of routine things, makes them more fun.  And I love doing little things to try to remind someone how special they are to me.  I am not saying that I'm all that good at any of this, but I totally enjoy trying.

And so mothers day sucks for me because I am not married to someone who feels similarly.  Last year, my first mothers day was horrible.  I still get really mad when I think about it.  As you might imagine, I am starting to feel bad about the impending anniversary on Sunday.  I just don't want to be reminded about last year. 

I have gotten the cards and gift for my mother-in-law, and I already mailed off things for my mom and my sister (as this is her first double-mothers-day what with her new baby).  I wrapped my MIL's present and signed the cards last night because I knew I would be too angry doing it on Saturday.  Angry, it sounds horrible to say it.  But I just kind of wish that someone would do something for me this one day. 

I used to care a lot about my birthday, but that totally doesn't matter to me these day.  What means a lot to me, what I cherish the absolute most, is getting to be M's mama.  And so I want to celebrate that, and it would mean the world to me if someone else (i.e., my husband) would participate in celebrating this thing that means the world to me. 

But we will likely go to see his mother and she'll act flat, in her usual manner, and not be appreciative because she is so damn practical about everything.  She likes to brag about giving you a recycled gift.  For example, for my 40th birthday she sent me a pink silk scarf.  I thought it was really sweet and made a point of wearing it next time I saw her, when she promptly told me that someone had given to her years ago and she never liked it so she decided to give it to me.  Oh, and for her granddaughter's high school graduation gift?  a watch she got for free from a catalog for spending over $40.  And she told her granddaughter, bragging that the watch is worth $40 and she got it for free...  I don't mind the idea of free watches or recycled scarves, but YOU DON'T TELL THE PERSON!  She just doesn't get that it totally demeans the gift.

So I'm likely going to go spend Sunday morning sitting on the floor at my MIL's apartment, trying to keep my one year old away from the little bird figurines on the coffee table while my husband goes through bills with his mom or fixes something around her apartment.  Then I'll have to figure out how to get him to leave when it gets too close to M's nap time, because he'd never watch the clock and initiate our need to leave so that his daughter stays on the schedule that works so well for her.  We'll come home late so she'll be too hungry and tired to either eat lunch or take a nap easily.  I'll be the one who deals with that, which is stressful b/c I can't help but think "if only we could have left 30 minutes earlier".  And then it will be the end of Sunday, and time to do the bed time routine and get everyone ready for the week.  My second mothers day will be over, and it will be just like any other Sunday when I am the dutiful ignored daughter-in-law who's husband doesn't give a shit.

Can you say, "bad attitude"?  I know, I really need to get over myself...  I'll see what I can do.  Helps to have vented a bit here.  Thanks for listening.