Tuesday, February 18, 2014

choices

Today I was confronted with an email from my dean chastising me for not having yet RSVP'd for a lunch meeting on Wednesday.  This meeting will be 10% faculty and 90% staff, during which the faculty are to critique the ridiculous new admin structure that was forced upon my department (merged with other departments, and then merged campus-wide so that we have no idea who any staff person is any more who can help with things that have to get done).  Can you provide a more perfect example of "defensiveness" on display?  It is going to be absurd.

But the worst part of it?  I had set that time aside to exercise.

I have been really getting into my exercise lately and it is my one rock, the one thing in my life over which I have control.  I love that control.  I love the exercise.

(The other night I woke up slightly alarmed, as my hand had moved and was resting on an upper arm that I did not recognize.  It sounds really dorky, but it is true.  I actually have some muscles now and not just "softness."  That was pretty cool, and I'm now re-addicted. I was really into exercise back when I was in my early and mid 20s, but then it was to escape my former life...  but let's get back to my dilemma.)

I do not love that I sat staring at my computer for 10 minutes, literally 10 minutes, pissed that I had to choose between the admin-review meeting that would piss me off even more and my exercise class that would make me feel better.

In the end, I did RSVP "yes" for the meeting.  I need to learn how to say "no", as it is looking like all those manuscripts I need to finish writing are further and further off into the future as I get sucked into more and more "service".

As is a slimmer, stronger bum.

2 comments:

  1. That's a pity, but if it helps, I am in the same position and I have decided that taking care of my body is a priority over stuff that is potentially very stressful. However, I don't think it would be a good idea to say so directly, so what I do is the following: this year I made a committment to my exercise (also during lunch times) and just put those times as "meetings" in my public calendar. So then if asked for something like this, I can just say that oh I am so sorry, but I am unfortunately not available due to a prior committment and point them to my calendar. Much easier than having to say no directly.

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  2. :( Come work with me. I will appreciate you properly.

    (Though I confess that I have gained 10 pounds since I started back at work. No time for myself...)

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