how do you tell if an 8.5 month old is hungry in the middle of the night? this parenting stuff was easier when M was a few weeks old and would gnaw on her fist when she was hungry...
Try everything else first and if the crying doesn't stop, feed. Little T didn't eat when she wasn't hungry so if M is like that just try it and see. If M falls asleep immediately...probably not hungry. If just wants to hang out and play...probably not hungry. Trial and error really. Good luck...it is not easy!
Definitely not a dumb question. I have the same trouble with my 9 month old sometimes. I agree with Tiger Mom, it is trial and error and not easy especially in the middle of the night when all you want is for everybody to be sleeping.
I usually change his diaper first and go to put him back down, if he sits or pulls himself up in the crib it is usually because he wants to play, but if he cries right away it is usually because he is hungry.
Most recently, he was crying hard in the middle of the night every few hours and it ended up being because he was sick (double ear infection!).
It is funny what you say about how M used to gnaw on her fist and that was your cue. My husband said the same thing the other day!
What Tiger Mom and Amy said -- not easy, trial and error, and definitely not a dumb question.
If Mads is really crying hard in the middle of the night, that means either hungry or sick. Crying really hard in the middle of the night and frequent waking generally means ear infection with my kids. :-(
If she's just fussing you can probably leave her and see if she will go back to sleep. Don't know how dark your room is, I think it helps if it's really really dark (I only have a very faint night light and don't turn the lights on at all at night, even when changing.)
At Mads' age and size (I presume she's still pretty plump) and the fact that she eats solids during the day, she should not be too hungry to have to eat at night. So my guess is she wants to be held or play more than anything.
I'm with GMP -- most likely she just wants to snuggle. But honestly, B dropped his middle of the night feeds kind of on his own, so I really have no experience here. And now if he wakes up before 630 or so in the morning I just ignore him unless he goes from just chatting to whining. If there is whining, I know he is hungry and I feed him and then put him back to bed -- no lights, quick diaper change, no eye contact. But I'm guessing that M is not hungry every two hours, so maybe see what you can do to just let her ride out the first wake up on her own? (Yeah, I know I'm rambling. Sorry)
If it's night... Step 1: Check diaper, change if necessary. Step 2: Stick breast in mouth. Step 3: rub gums/check temperature/try motrin. Special note: Do not let daddy get sucked into playing at 4am. 4am is not private daddy play time.
We fed 100% on demand and I would try food first almost all the time. My son is now almost 5 and has always been skinny, never eats when he's not hungry, even if he's offered sweets. I suspect he has never been hungry in his life and thus never feels the need to overeat just in case.
Is M suddenly waking up in the middle of the night every couple of hours or has this always been the case? If this is a sudden thing then it could be a developmental or physical growth spurt, M could be hungry, or M could have an ear infection (we have this happen a lot when Little T has ear infections - but other signs may be there as well). If M has always been doing this, then could be habit and just wants to be with you. Good luck!
So, late to the party and kind of gatecrashing... but here's what I think, FWIW:
8.5/9 months is the time of the major separation anxiety phase. She could very well be waking up in the middle of the night and just freaking out because you aren't there. Or she might be hungry. If you're breastfeeding, it may not matter, as nursing satisfies both problems.
I don't think you should worry too much about creating habits, etc. It was my experience that I worried a lot about that with my first but couldn't really get her to stop needing me (or my husband) in the middle of the night, so I was going to her in the night and feeling crappy about it. And then she just stopped needing me in the middle of the night and starting sleeping through, and I realized that I had never had as much influence on what she did in the middle of the night as I thought I did. This totally changed how I approached sleep the second time around. I figure my baby is telling me what she needs, and she'll stop needing it when she stops needing it- so I focus more on coping strategies for me and less on trying to change what the kid needs.
But... child #1 figured out the sleep thing when she was 2, and I realize that seems like a long time from 8.5 months. SO I offer this just as a point of view, not as a "you should do this."
My second is two now, and is almost to the same place- she never woke up as much as her sister did, and is sleeping through in her own bed now, except that everytime she gets sick we get set back a bit. We're fully nightweaned, though- when she wakes up she just wants me to climb into her bed and snuggle her a bit, not to nurse her. She still nurses before bed- but that's on its way out, too.
Wow, I am impressed by the developments you talked about in your last post! I wish I could get P to sleep without extensive breastfeeding. Not that I've actually tried anything different. P still wakes up to feed a few times per night. Since I'm still bedsharing, it isn't much of an issue to thrust a nipple into her face while I'm half asleep. Sometimes lately, though, she definitely wants an extended feeding session. I think it is because she's so busy exploring during the day that she doesn't take the time to properly fill up. So she needs the low-stimulation nighttime feeds. It is annoying to have to breastfeed for 45 minutes in the middle of the night, but when it happens I know that it's because she's hungry. But I don't know how to PREDICT it at all. I guess I just need to try to make sure she eats enough during the day.
Sometimes it's hard for me to tell if I am hungry in the middle of the night!
ReplyDeleteTry everything else first and if the crying doesn't stop, feed. Little T didn't eat when she wasn't hungry so if M is like that just try it and see. If M falls asleep immediately...probably not hungry. If just wants to hang out and play...probably not hungry. Trial and error really. Good luck...it is not easy!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely not a dumb question. I have the same trouble with my 9 month old sometimes. I agree with Tiger Mom, it is trial and error and not easy especially in the middle of the night when all you want is for everybody to be sleeping.
ReplyDeleteI usually change his diaper first and go to put him back down, if he sits or pulls himself up in the crib it is usually because he wants to play, but if he cries right away it is usually because he is hungry.
Most recently, he was crying hard in the middle of the night every few hours and it ended up being because he was sick (double ear infection!).
It is funny what you say about how M used to gnaw on her fist and that was your cue. My husband said the same thing the other day!
Good Luck! You are doing great!
What Tiger Mom and Amy said -- not easy, trial and error, and definitely not a dumb question.
ReplyDeleteIf Mads is really crying hard in the middle of the night, that means either hungry or sick. Crying really hard in the middle of the night and frequent waking generally means ear infection with my kids. :-(
If she's just fussing you can probably leave her and see if she will go back to sleep. Don't know how dark your room is, I think it helps if it's really really dark (I only have a very faint night light and don't turn the lights on at all at night, even when changing.)
At Mads' age and size (I presume she's still pretty plump) and the fact that she eats solids during the day, she should not be too hungry to have to eat at night. So my guess is she wants to be held or play more than anything.
I'm with GMP -- most likely she just wants to snuggle. But honestly, B dropped his middle of the night feeds kind of on his own, so I really have no experience here. And now if he wakes up before 630 or so in the morning I just ignore him unless he goes from just chatting to whining. If there is whining, I know he is hungry and I feed him and then put him back to bed -- no lights, quick diaper change, no eye contact. But I'm guessing that M is not hungry every two hours, so maybe see what you can do to just let her ride out the first wake up on her own? (Yeah, I know I'm rambling. Sorry)
ReplyDeleteWhen I feed Parker (7.5) her stomach growls, so I still think she is hungry.
ReplyDeleteIf it's night... Step 1: Check diaper, change if necessary. Step 2: Stick breast in mouth. Step 3: rub gums/check temperature/try motrin.
ReplyDeleteSpecial note: Do not let daddy get sucked into playing at 4am. 4am is not private daddy play time.
We fed 100% on demand and I would try food first almost all the time. My son is now almost 5 and has always been skinny, never eats when he's not hungry, even if he's offered sweets. I suspect he has never been hungry in his life and thus never feels the need to overeat just in case.
Is M suddenly waking up in the middle of the night every couple of hours or has this always been the case? If this is a sudden thing then it could be a developmental or physical growth spurt, M could be hungry, or M could have an ear infection (we have this happen a lot when Little T has ear infections - but other signs may be there as well). If M has always been doing this, then could be habit and just wants to be with you. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteSo, late to the party and kind of gatecrashing... but here's what I think, FWIW:
ReplyDelete8.5/9 months is the time of the major separation anxiety phase. She could very well be waking up in the middle of the night and just freaking out because you aren't there. Or she might be hungry. If you're breastfeeding, it may not matter, as nursing satisfies both problems.
I don't think you should worry too much about creating habits, etc. It was my experience that I worried a lot about that with my first but couldn't really get her to stop needing me (or my husband) in the middle of the night, so I was going to her in the night and feeling crappy about it. And then she just stopped needing me in the middle of the night and starting sleeping through, and I realized that I had never had as much influence on what she did in the middle of the night as I thought I did. This totally changed how I approached sleep the second time around. I figure my baby is telling me what she needs, and she'll stop needing it when she stops needing it- so I focus more on coping strategies for me and less on trying to change what the kid needs.
But... child #1 figured out the sleep thing when she was 2, and I realize that seems like a long time from 8.5 months. SO I offer this just as a point of view, not as a "you should do this."
My second is two now, and is almost to the same place- she never woke up as much as her sister did, and is sleeping through in her own bed now, except that everytime she gets sick we get set back a bit. We're fully nightweaned, though- when she wakes up she just wants me to climb into her bed and snuggle her a bit, not to nurse her. She still nurses before bed- but that's on its way out, too.
Wow, I am impressed by the developments you talked about in your last post! I wish I could get P to sleep without extensive breastfeeding. Not that I've actually tried anything different. P still wakes up to feed a few times per night. Since I'm still bedsharing, it isn't much of an issue to thrust a nipple into her face while I'm half asleep. Sometimes lately, though, she definitely wants an extended feeding session. I think it is because she's so busy exploring during the day that she doesn't take the time to properly fill up. So she needs the low-stimulation nighttime feeds. It is annoying to have to breastfeed for 45 minutes in the middle of the night, but when it happens I know that it's because she's hungry. But I don't know how to PREDICT it at all. I guess I just need to try to make sure she eats enough during the day.
ReplyDelete