I have completely lost the ability to keep up. I am back at work "full time" and teaching, which means I am trying to do 50 hours of work in 35. I haven't blogged in ages. I haven't written in Maddy's journal in several weeks, and I used to write in it every other day. I haven't taken any pictures of her in more than a week, which is sad given that I think I have at least one picture of every day of her life up until class started this semester.
Life is basically really good though and passing by way too fast.
I cannot believe that my little baby will be 11 months old on Valentine's day. She is walking these days, but prefers to hold a hand while doing so, which gets tricky. She has a serious grip and will not let go. She is also still waking up 2 times at night, and sometimes three, rarely just once. And the best part is that she loves to mimic. So freaking cute. We taught her how to give kisses on the lips tonight before she went to bed.
I have a question for those of you with more than one child... is it twice the work? twice as much fun? twice as hard? is two better then one? how hard is it to be a professor AND mama to two? did you have to cut back at work way more with the second, or was the first baby the biggest adjustment with work?
Valentine's day, huh? LG's birthday is tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteTwo kids is not 2X the work. It's exponentially more, for some reason I suspect only a mathematician could explain. Two is only better than one if you want two kids. Really want two kids. I'm not one to talk about cutting back at work as I'm not yet back at work...but I suspect some of that has to do with age difference between kids. Like, I had about 18 mo when LG was little that my productivity was shot. And then things got better. And by the time 5 rolled around, things were great. Probably my most productive times since grad school were the 3.5-5 era. And then I started trying to get pregnant again... That is, I think it's largely the age of babyness/toddlerhood that requires massive work cutback...but if you've already got a baby/toddler, how much would that change by adding a second? Having said that, I found babyhood to be much easier than toddlerhood... but that might be due to my kid's temperament.
11 months and walking with a strong grip! Yay for Maddy! I have nothing to offer about having two... since my one is not here yet. I have no doubt you would do great with #2!!
ReplyDeleteI am not a professor but I work in a professional job 40 hours per week. I desperately wanted two children. I love, love, love having two kids but it is f*cking hard. I don't know if I can quantify it as twice as hard. Some aspects seem much more hard and some not really harder. I guess the hardest part is having a demanding 1st child and not being able to give them as much attention. The first 3 months were harder,the next three months were terrible, and the most recent three months have been better. I think the thing that suffers the most is me. Other than a Sunday bike ride or hike for 2 hours I do NOTHING for myself at this point. I have only recenly been able to get back to doing those. It is all about the kids, work, or household. So my husband is also getting screwed currently. Also not sleeping and having all those responsibities is crazy hard. Now that P is bigger the rewards are more. G loves her so so much and they play together. G is also almost 4 years older than P and although I wanted them closer, I am not thanful that G can help so much. She is a great helper. Getting diapers or tissue. Even picking up P's toys. P also adores G, she smiles at her all the time and G can make her laugh like no one else. I'm defintely glad I have two but it is harder.
ReplyDeleteErrands and household stuff are probably the hardest things to get done. There is always a kid that needs attention. It seriously takes an hour to get anywhere.
oh yeah, I agree with Gwinnie babyhood was easier for me that toddlerhood. Pretty much from 18months to 4 years was hard with my older child. Really hard.
ReplyDeleteThe time? Seriously, here we need not a mathematician but a physicist, because I think that time speeds up when you are working and have at child. All I know is that I am WAY behind on everything and so when anything goes awry, it sets me waay back.
ReplyDeleteTwo HAS to be crazy hard. Why I'm going for it sort of eludes me, but I just think its right for me (although DH is not as enthusiastic, which is an understatement!).
I can't believe she is walking -- such a big girl!
I have three and I am a prof but the age difference is significant (ages soon to be 12, 4, and 7 months). Going from 1 to 2 was not really that stressful, probably because the older one was 7 and easy-going, so it was basically like having one baby all over, without all the anxiety. So for us the second one was really much less than 2x the work, although because of the age difference they don't play much so we felt like we had two only children rather than 2.
ReplyDeleteHaving 3 now is pretty much our limit now, especially since No 2 is still little and he's super demanding (more so since the baby arrived).
One thing that saddens me is that I seem to miss a year of the older kids' lives when I have a baby -- I feel like I lost touch with my oldest for a while when I had No 2, and lost touch with both older ones (especially my 2nd, who was my baby until not that long ago!!) once I had the 3rd.
As for work, I think I work fewer hours than childless folks, but who cares? It makes me better about trimming obligations that I either don't benefit me and I don't enjoy. I have a very selfish male, single collaborator; he's a y (I.e I do stuff if it benefits me or I enjoy and think it's important).
But, they are not babies forever. And chaos that stems from joyous, healthy kids is a good kind of chaos. I think I constantly feel like I am not keeping up, but I really just think of it as a way of life now. Lots and lots of things to do at 70-80%, no time any more for perfection. And I think that's a great thing.
Are you thinking about going for No 2? That's great! Good luck! I hope DH gets more involved if you have two...
Oh god, I need to proofread my comments. That 4th paragraph is a jumbled mess. It should have said:
ReplyDeleteAs for work, I think I work fewer hours than childless folks, but who cares? It makes me better about trimming obligations that don't benefit me and that I don't enjoy (i.e. I now try only to do stuff that benefits me, that I enjoy, or that think it's truly important).
I'm very interested in all the comments here. I seriously don't know how any working moms do it, because since P got here I've basically been playing hooky from work and now it looks like my career is drying up (unless I want to try to get another postdoc, which I don't, because I don't want to work and don't want to drag my family around for a career that I no longer care about). I know that there is no way in hell that I could work full time with 2 kids, because apparently I can't even manage it with 1. And it's not like my house is in order or my hair looks good, either.
ReplyDeleteBUT my 2 cents is that if you are going to work a lot, it would be nice for M to have a sibling. My brother and I hung out when my mom was at work, and it was great. It kept me from being lonely on days when friends couldn't play or there were no activities. Also, I just like to see my blog friends getting pregnant-- it's exciting! :)
It's good that M has learned kisses in time for Valentine's! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI think you could handle anything, so why not a second child?
Love,
Maddy