counting

Thanks for all the support on the morning crunch...  While I have not hit anything remotely approaching perfection, I have made a couple of changes that have helped.

1) A teacher at M's school recommended 1,2,3 Magic, as it has specific scenarios in it, and that the approach is similar to how they work with the kids in M's class.  I read it.  While much of it is more for older kids, some of it will definitely work for my almost 3 year old, and works with her personality and our relationship.

She loves being with me, and loves to be held, and while I do love holding her and playing and being no more than 2 feet apart, there are obviously times in life when you need to set your 29 pound child down so that you can get things done.  Because of how we interact, the 1,2,3 Magic approach works wonders for her whining...  here's how it works:  you explain to the child that you will count 1 when they start whining, and that then they get another warning to put an end to the whining.  And that if you have to count to "3", that they then have to spend a few minutes in "time out".  The "time out" is a number of minutes equivalent to their years in age in either their bedroom or some other appropriate spot.  So for M, when she starts whining, I simply say, with no emotion, "M, you are whining, so this is your first warning.  One."  We made it to three ONCE, the very first time I tried it.  I calmly walked her to her room and put my phone timer on 2 minutes.  She stayed in there until the timer went off, and it was like a reset button had been pushed.  Ever since, she responds to "One" with a fairly calm, "but I don't want to go to my room by myself."  And I reply, "you don't have to if you stop whining."  And, she does.  Really.

A couple of times, after she stopped whining with the first count and a few minutes went by, only twice have I needed to say, "are you whining?" to which she stops whining and replies, "no."

This has worked.  At least for now.  And my sanity has improved.  It doesn't even stress me out all that much to have to start the counting thing, as I know that it is likely to get the desired response.  I'm not quite ready to implement any of the other 1,2,3 Magic techniques, as M is a little to young for them and I don't need help with that other stuff yet.  But I think it is a good idea for me to have gotten her into the idea that I can count bad behavior and that she has two chances to fix the situation, and that the consequences aren't yelling, just a time-out.  I like that.  We may move into the motivational techniques at some point, but not quite yet.

2) As for moving in the morning...  it hasn't actually been too bad lately.  I took to heart the advice of trying to get a lot done the night before, and to shift myself emotionally.  One of the pieces of advice I read somewhere suggested setting a "goal" arrival time that is about 30 minutes earlier than when you actually need to be at work.  This way, you will be early some days, and on time when you are running a little late in toddler-dom.  This has helped me stay more calm in the morning.

3) I figured out how to set the automatic timer on my coffee pot.  I can't believe that I never did this before.  It seriously makes me so happy.  Ridiculously so.  I can't explain how nice it is to feel like someone made me a cup of coffee first thing every morning.  It's weird how much better this makes me feel in the morning.  Really.  It's weird, but it has made a huge difference in my outlook for the day.

4) I am finally, finally having a night off tonight.  One of M's teachers is taking her home from school and doing the whole evening routine.

I love my child dearly.  I wanted her SOOOOO much, and every day I stand in awe at this amazing little person who I get the honor of being mama to.  She is perfect.  I am incredibly lucky.  BUT, that said, this shit is hard to do 24/7.

M acts out more when her daddy is home, as she has to compete for attention, but it is really nice to be able to tag-team parenting a bit.  I definitely am the heavy-lifter, or rather, the project PI for M.  But what I find the hardest about single-parenting is that there is no mental break, ever.  Not even 5 minutes when I am at home.  It feels petty, but I can't ever listen to NPR for more than 30 seconds, I can't wash the dishes without 25,000 interruptions of "please play with me!" "please put PJs on my baby doll" "mama!  I'm tuck! Come help me!"  I can't sit down to eat for more than 60 seconds at a time before there is some reason to have to get up.  Pooping in privacy?  Pipe-dream.  I have weakened in my parenting skills so much that M not only sleeps in my bed, but we go to sleep at the same time.  Then I don't have to go through the stress of "putting her to sleep." 

Honestly, these things really aren't a big deal -- I will be able to listen to all the NPR I want when M has grown up and moved out of our home (and I will miss her interruptions terribly!).  I love having a super cute little daughter who loves me and needs me, but every single day for 7 weeks straight without an evening off is about to drive me nuts.  Maybe it's because dh is getting home in a few days, so I know that my pinch-hitter will be here soon and I'm getting antsy.  I don't know.  But it is with ridiculous relief that I look forward to tonight. 

UPDATE:  I just got *the call* from daycare.  I am going to go pick up my sick child...  c'est la vie.