a poem of where my head is at

alone with a cocktail and the internet.
child and her daddy off to grandma's to celebrate mother's day a day early.
me, the first real quiet time I've had in months.
a busy work schedule.
a professional meeting.
a professional workshop.
my cat died.
my great aunt died.
a funeral way back in fracking-scarred mountains.
too many things to mourn.
too much travel.
too much death.
too much of everything.
off to Africa again in two weeks, with child in tow this time.
scared shitless that she'll die while there.
and it will all be my fault because I wanted her there.
because I needed to go.
but she really didn't.
not thinking about it.
another sip of my cocktail.
lord, three year olds are emotionally exhausting.
but how I love that little girl.
the most important thing in my life.
and I'm taking her to Africa.
please wish me lots of luck.
and peace.  I am gonna need it.

love,
inB