I have played Ana and Elsa much too much lately.
Heading home from seven weeks of work-related travel with three year old... to sum up, it was well worth doing.
That said, I wanted to share a work-family balance thought.
When my daughter is with me, she is with me. She talks to me or sits on my lap and wiggles all around incessantly. For every meal she sits on my lap or beside me. She's three. That means that she forgets to eat, so needs constant reminders or, she would prefer (I think), for me to feed her bites. She drinks from a glass, but forgets physics pretty regularly, focusing only on the front side of the glass and not the back. She needs to poop, I am by far the preferred assistant. And I mean, by far. I have a bunch of apps on my phone that she really likes (and over the duration of this trip she has learned sincere passion for my iPhone and the 15 apps I have downloaded specifically for her), but she is three, so she needs somewhat constant supervision with it. And for some apps/games, that's like every 30-160 seconds. It is just enough time for me to yearn for some mental respite of my own (like, listening to music on my iPhone, oops), but not enough time to actually get to do it.
All in all, it means that for the last three weeks I have been supervising my three year old 24/7, and trying to do a little bit of work, networking, collaboration-building, etc. All of those things, those last three I listed? It didn't work so well. I am basically ok with that, as it worked out as I had anticipated might well be the case. But, honestly, I am emotionally exhausted. Work exhausts and rejuvenates my mental states in very different ways from being on mama-duty, and I really really need that infusion right now.
I find it fascinating that my dear husband doesn't seem to ever experience that constant distraction of little M's presence. He can totally tune her out. Of course, she knows this and that's why I am (at present) the strongly preferred parent. I wish he would tune into it a little more so that I didn't get emotionally exhausted to the point where I have to explain to her that I am tired of playing "Frozen" and need some grown-up time. I know it hurts her feelings, and since we decided to take her along on such an adult trip it isn't really fair to turn around and be resentful that we are her only playmates. But I guess, as I randomly think through this, I wish it were both of us being playmates and not just me.
Oh, and I am really in the mood for a conversation with my husband that does not take place in front of my daughter. I love how dh always manages to be too busy with email to talk for the few minutes between M's bed time and ours, and always manages to ask me if I am ok, or what my problem is when M is listening and turns to me to hear what the answer is. Nice.
10 hour flight home tomorrow. Tonight we are an airport hotel. I took my laptop and said I'd be in the hotel bar with my first glass of wine in two weeks, leaving dh to play "frozen"... my first break in recent memory... I admit it, I am a much, much better mama when I get to have my adult time. And wine. Islamic countries during Ramadan were not conducive to my strong need for a glass of wine after hours of Ana and Elsa play each day...
Heading home from seven weeks of work-related travel with three year old... to sum up, it was well worth doing.
That said, I wanted to share a work-family balance thought.
When my daughter is with me, she is with me. She talks to me or sits on my lap and wiggles all around incessantly. For every meal she sits on my lap or beside me. She's three. That means that she forgets to eat, so needs constant reminders or, she would prefer (I think), for me to feed her bites. She drinks from a glass, but forgets physics pretty regularly, focusing only on the front side of the glass and not the back. She needs to poop, I am by far the preferred assistant. And I mean, by far. I have a bunch of apps on my phone that she really likes (and over the duration of this trip she has learned sincere passion for my iPhone and the 15 apps I have downloaded specifically for her), but she is three, so she needs somewhat constant supervision with it. And for some apps/games, that's like every 30-160 seconds. It is just enough time for me to yearn for some mental respite of my own (like, listening to music on my iPhone, oops), but not enough time to actually get to do it.
All in all, it means that for the last three weeks I have been supervising my three year old 24/7, and trying to do a little bit of work, networking, collaboration-building, etc. All of those things, those last three I listed? It didn't work so well. I am basically ok with that, as it worked out as I had anticipated might well be the case. But, honestly, I am emotionally exhausted. Work exhausts and rejuvenates my mental states in very different ways from being on mama-duty, and I really really need that infusion right now.
I find it fascinating that my dear husband doesn't seem to ever experience that constant distraction of little M's presence. He can totally tune her out. Of course, she knows this and that's why I am (at present) the strongly preferred parent. I wish he would tune into it a little more so that I didn't get emotionally exhausted to the point where I have to explain to her that I am tired of playing "Frozen" and need some grown-up time. I know it hurts her feelings, and since we decided to take her along on such an adult trip it isn't really fair to turn around and be resentful that we are her only playmates. But I guess, as I randomly think through this, I wish it were both of us being playmates and not just me.
Oh, and I am really in the mood for a conversation with my husband that does not take place in front of my daughter. I love how dh always manages to be too busy with email to talk for the few minutes between M's bed time and ours, and always manages to ask me if I am ok, or what my problem is when M is listening and turns to me to hear what the answer is. Nice.
10 hour flight home tomorrow. Tonight we are an airport hotel. I took my laptop and said I'd be in the hotel bar with my first glass of wine in two weeks, leaving dh to play "frozen"... my first break in recent memory... I admit it, I am a much, much better mama when I get to have my adult time. And wine. Islamic countries during Ramadan were not conducive to my strong need for a glass of wine after hours of Ana and Elsa play each day...
I'm so glad you took the well-deserved break for wine and laptop time. Your dh sounds a bit clueless and checked out (which I can relate to from my dad). I wish he would notice and be more sensitive to your needs and the timing of things. You sound like you learned a lot and your evaluation sounds very reasonable. You'll get some kid-free work time soon, yes? Sending supportive thoughts to you.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have had a bit too much Ana and Elsa play lately. What is it about that movie that so captivates our little ones? I'm not quite sure how you managed, being the center of attention like that for so long, without much respite from your dh. I hope you fully enjoyed your alone time tonight, and get a good break when you get home, too.
ReplyDelete