5 weeks: updates

I survived the trip to my mother-in-law's. It wasn't anywhere near as bad logistically as I feared, in no small part because my MIL was much more laid back due to her grief. It was a very sad trip, but little M was the one thing that gave everyone some hope and a reason to face forward.

And little M did great on such a long car trip. We spent two nights along the road to get there and again driving back. So it was a long trip but if we had tried to do it faster M would have driven us and herself completely mad. And it was nice to also get in a quick visit with my great aunt. She was so psyched about M.

M has only been sleeping 2-3 hours a stretch for the last 4 weeks. The times when she wakes and snacks and goes back to sleep within 30 minutes aren't too bad. It is the times when she has a hard time getting back to sleep that are the killer for me. She will fuss and fuss and get herself all worked up. I manage to get her back to sleep about 1.5 hours later but that mans that she wakes up 30-45 minutes later hungry again. I, a former insomniac, has developed quite a talent for falling back asleep at the drop of a hat. Although, I read somewhere that breast feeding hormones help with falling asleep again quickly. Not sure there is any truth to that as I would guess that just about anyone who hadn't slept for more than 2.5 hours in a row for the last 5-6 weeks would fall asleep virtually instantaneously too.

Saturday was the first day I felt kind of bad. Adrenaline had me going really well but I think the sleep deprivation is starting to get to me. I was in a bad mood all day and really needed a break from M. Honestly, I really needed the glass of wine I drank. M has been in kind of a bad mood for a few days now. She isn't colicky at all, but just kind of hard to please.

The lack of interaction is starting to get to me. I was feeling lots of good vibes from the fact that I had managed to keep her alive and feed her so that she is gaining weight like a summo wrestler (10.9 pounds on Friday, yowza). But that is starting to not be enough feedback. I could really use a smile.

Today I am feeling quite a bit better, in no small part due to three things that happened on Sunday:

1) I bought a couple of nursing bras that actually fit properly. It was really starting to get to me to always be so aware of my large, heavy and still somewhat painful breasts all the freaking time.

2) I bought a shirt that is really cute, big enough to cover my breasts, styled appropriately to draw attention away from their girth, and long enough to cover the top of the maternity pants I am still wearing. I am feeling very gross these days; I needed the wardrobe boost.

3) Dh decided he was going to lose it if he couldn't get a good night's sleep so he and the cat moved to the guest bedroom last night. M and I set up shop in my bed which seems to have resulted in a better night's sleep for all four of us. M only woke up twice and went back to sleep quickly. Funny thing though is that I have started to dream about nursing her, so sometimes I am not sure if I did or didn't...