thoughts on breastfeeding

First off, I want to thank my breasts. They have really pulled through for me. This makes me feel mildly bad for having great displeasure with their size, but I am guessing that they could be this productive AND be smaller. But all in all I am very pleased with how they are caring for my little girl.

They also get a gold star for being early producers. My milk came in by Wednesday morning after an early Monday morning birth. I don't know how much of that is genetic and how much is thanks to the fact that on Monday I let M suckle for hours and hours and also pumped on Tuesday (unproductively) at the advice of the lactation consultant. This meant that M hardly lost any weight from birth.

All that said, breastfeeding is hard. And it does hurt. Trying to get my infant to learn how to latch on properly was like trying to get my cat's head out of his food bowl when you are trying to fill it. M knows what she wants and she isn't stupid. My breasts would be so dripping that she knew a proper latch was unecessary, and in her book, just a waste of time.

I got to experience engorgement starting the Saturday night of M's first week. Wow does that hurt, and I mean really hurts. I didn't have any advil in the house because I couldn't take it while pregnant. I almost woke my husband up to go get some. My breasts are huge, so engorgement made them even huger and so so painful. I also have some breast tissue in my right armpit. That tissue got pretty swollen during pregnany, very attractive. It also got very engorged too which was really freaking painful.

I used cold packs to help, which inclyded walking around with frozen coffee beans under my arm. And hot showers helped too. It was miserable. M couldn' nurse because my breasts and nipples were rock hard, so she was freaking out. I ended up pumping until they were soft enough to nurse M, but it was hard to get the milk flowing when they were that full. Luckily this only lasted about 18 hours. I have to say that that early Sunday morning has been the hardest part of the pregnany, delivery, and 6 weeks of parenting.

It has taken me a while to figure out how to be comfortable with such large and heavy breasts that hurt. But I think I am mostly there.

It dawned on me about 10 days ago that it doesn't hurt any more. This is going well and I am feeling better. M is better at her part too now that she's bigger and has a bit more control.

I think it really does take about 5 weeks for nursing to settle into a comfort zone even under the best of circumstances. I deeply admire and respect the dedication, love, and perserverance of those women who confront breast feeding challenges. There are some dark moments in breast feeding and I hope all women get warned about this so they go into it emotionally prepared.

Now, if M and I can master some modesty techniques for nursing in public we will be all set!