I had my 6 week post-birth OB appointment on Monday. The dr talked to me about birth control. It was a surreal conversation in which I found myself incapable of participating. She gave me a prescription for the pill (progesterone only). I picked it up today from the pharmacy but I don't know about using it.
How do you go from years of IF and yearning for a baby to actively keeping a baby from being made? I have a pretty minimal chance of conceiving without medical intervention but I know that it could theoretically happen. I should consider, I should plan accordingly. But deep down I feel conflicted.
Do I want another baby?
That's a question I'm afraid to ask myself.
I don't want to decide that the answer is "yes" and then spend time and emotional energy trying to make it happen. I don't want to confront IF again. I feel strongly that I should continue to count myself incredibly lucky for what I do have. I would hate to miss enjoying a phase of M's life because I was IF-preoccupied again.
But saying "no" feels wrong. I wanted a baby so deeply that now it feels wrong to say that I don't want another one. I feel like I should take all that I can get. If I could actually get pregnant again I almost feel like I shouldn't squander the opportunity.
Any action or inaction represents a decision, and I really don't want to have to make it.
Quite a thought - I guess people get pregnant the second time around by surprise quite frequently!
ReplyDeleteTough--I KNOW I don't want to be pregnant again right now, but my situation is different (no ART, still under 35)... This sounds really complicated!!! I definitely see your point that if you DON'T take the pill, you'll start getting all crazy again with wondering if you're pregnant... at least there are no cycles to follow, though, and breastfeeding is pretty damn good birth control.
ReplyDeleteWhat if you didnt actively try but try to prevent? What if your decision is to "see what happens" ? I know it's much easier said than done, and your right, no decision is unltimately a decision, so I can totally undersatnd your dilemna. Does it ever get easier?! LOL
ReplyDeleteEven if you decide not to pursue a baby right now, maybe the pill is not the way to go - it really messes with our bodies and I regret ever having taken it to begin with. There are alternatives. Re: the decision...perhaps ask yourself the question: if you found out tomorrow you were pregnant, how would you feel?
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
Love,
Maddy
I'd look into alternatives ... because you probably don't want a baby right NOW, even if you don't want to squander the opportunity to have one. I think it's a sucky choice to have to make when you're less than 3 months postpartum!!
ReplyDeleteAfter my first child, my period came back at 2 months postpartum. With my second, I found out that the rule I read somewhere -- no period as long as you nurse at least 5 times a day, which for me was till 11 months -- held exactly.
ReplyDeleteI'd say assume you can get pregnant, and prevent it in a minimally invasive fashion (say, condoms) for a few months, just to get your body a chance to replenish nutrients somewhat. (I have read that women who don't use birth control typically have kids spaced at 18 to 24 months.) Afterwards, if you are open to the thought of another baby, don't actively try, simply don't use birth control and see what happens. I know of a number of cases where the second one (after a first on the IVF or artificial insemination) came naturally.