I long ago realized that there was no way that I could do the "cry-it-out" sleep thing. I love holding M in my arms. I love gazing at her peaceful sleeping face and breathing in her sweet breath as she falls deeper and deeper into sleep.
Plus, the sheer agony of her crying breaks my heart and makes me feel down right cruel. Sometimes I let her cry for 5-10 minutes to get some of her tension out, she then just collapses into my arms and falls right to sleep.
So the usual sleep routine is that she goes to bed in her crib around 7pm. When she wakes up the next time I bring her to bed with me. This may be any time between 10:30pm - 1am, and once it was 3:30am (that rocked).
M is getting her top two incisors. OMG this has been such an event, off and on for the last month. But the last 3 days & nights have been particularly tough. I can see her teeth now just about to break through. I am glad I don't remember this phase, as it seems like it really hurts. The uppers seem to hurt much, much more than the lowers did, as she hardly fussed at all -- honestly I didn't even realize she was teething until she was chewing my arm and I felt something really sharp.
As I said, the last 3 nights have been rough, like up-almost-every-hour rough. This is hard on her and hard on me. Remember, dh is out of town.
Last night she woke up at 9:30pm and I could not get her back to sleep. She has a remarkable talent for keeping herself awake. And last night she just kept getting herself more and more awake. I decided to go to bed with her to see if that would help but she started crawling all over my bed and getting really wound up.
At 10:21pm I decided that this was not heading in the right direction. Being with me wasn't helping. So, I took her to her crib and said goodnite, intending to let her cry out some of her tension and get her in about 10 minutes and bring her back to bed with me.
I went back to snuggle in bed and watch the clock. I remember looking at the clock again at 10:27pm. And then I woke up suddenly at 11pm. Mads wasn't making a peep. Freaked.me.out. I left her!!! I felt terrible, and I have no idea how long she cried before falling sleep.
She called out again for me around 1am, and I brought her to bed and all went on as usual after that.
But I feel bad. My baby was crying, and I.fell.asleep.
Hey...you can't be a good mama to her if you are exhausted. Those were probably 30 minutes well-spent for both of you. Honestly.
ReplyDeleteOK -- you need to give yourself permission to take care of yourself (there are a lot of pronouns there, but you know what I mean). M was fine. She went to sleep for two whole hours and she fell asleep on her own. You are OK. You are a good mom -- honestly no way I would be as tolerant of the no sleep as you are. So cut yourself some slack and do what you need for both of you!
ReplyDeleteWe did the cry-it-out with our oldest two when I simply couldn't take the exhaustion any more. The first night was brutal (~ 2hrs crying), the second night much less so (maybe 20 min), the third night virtually no crying.
ReplyDeleteOf course you are a great mom. A little crying sounds awful but doesn't really hurt a baby. Sweet dreams to you and Mads!
I bet she didn't even cry long! it sounds like you really needed that sleep, and so no harm no foul! Your a good momma, dont beat yourself up. xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteThat is funny you posted this today. I am really struggling with P's sleep of late. I actually believe I need to teach to her sleep and I think it will be good for her. But it is so hard and I HATE hearing her cry. Which is really hard since she is in our room .
ReplyDeleteAww, poor M and her little teeth!
ReplyDeleteIf she didn't wake you up with your crying, I bet she barely cried for more than a few minutes. She probably put herself to sleep right as you feel asleep.
I can't handle the idea of doing cry it out, either. I might be making a child who will be a horrible sleeper some day but I just can't do it.
i have a friend who argues everyone eventually lets their kid CIO by inadvertently sleeping through the crying when exhaustion hits!
ReplyDeletePenelope is in the same phase right now. Her lower teeth are bothering her, and she's up every half hour for a lot of the night. I am really dreading nighttime these days. I don't know how you're doing it alone!
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