I woke up in a royally bad mood today. We are going to a dinner tonight with lots of very successful and famous people I have never met before, and I'll be the youngest by far. My husband is very successful and 20 years older, and while it is sometimes fun to pretend to be a "trophy bride", I am just so not into it right now. Plus, I'm not. He was never married before, was not my professor, and I do quite well on my own two professor feet. But I'm very overshadowed, so no one ever notices all of those points. It gets hard on the ego, but I did know what I was getting into when I married him.
But I'm also feeling very UNpregnant. I had warm maternal nurturing feelings for the last few days, but those have dissipated. And I now I find myself just feeling squishy, out-of-shape, and silly. Oh, and childless.
Overshadowed and childless. That's me. And very squishy muffin top. I had a really hard time finding an outfit I was kind of ok with this morning. I really wanted to wear what I wore yesterday. But I don't think dh would have thought that was ok, and I did see a lot of people yesterday who would see me today. Ugh. WHY DOES THIS KIND OF THING MATTER?!
Why can't I keep it together?!
Aside from all of that, I have a dilemma. I'm going out of town on July 5 (Monday). My beta is currently scheduled for July 2 (Friday). If I am pregnant, I need to take progesterone shots for the 8 days I'm gone. But I currently don't have enough needles. I think I have enough of the drug.
Do I ask if I can take my beta earlier? Why is it scheduled for July 2nd anyway? That's 15 days after a day 2 transfer, which seems like a long time past the "14 days past ovulation" rule. Won't that be a test on day 17 instead of 14? When is the earliest I can safely subject myself to a HPT without worrying that it'd be tainted by the HCG trigger? Do I really want to do that anyway? That would mean a trip to the drug store. Ugh.
If I ask to take the blood test earlier, I'm totally jinxed. It will definitely be negative. (Because somehow I would miraculously GET pregnant in the intervening days had I just waited.)
And I hate that this feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders.
When I get the negative beta test, I'm going to the gym for the longest and hardest workout of my life.
InB, I'd have to go through The Big Box of Bad, but I'm pretty sure I have needles for PIO. Not sure how many. I'd be happy to pass them on to you. FWIW, my RE, who schedules IUI betas at 12dpo, also schedules IVF betas at 17dpo. She says there's more variability with IVF implantation, but it made me a raving lunatic. Everyone metabolizes hcg differently; I know it's out of my system within a week.
ReplyDeleteAck. So 17dpo is the right time. I was hoping I had a leg to stand on here. Thanks for the info.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the offer of needles! I'll let you know what I decide to do... I really appreciate your support. You really have your shit together, and I deeply admire that.