I get a sense of being a part of a larger community by giving money to various non-profits, such as National Public Radio, the political party of my leaning, the local food bank, the animal shelter, unicef, etc. I don't say this to make myself sound good, as I should give lots more than I do. And I'm so selfish with my time that I don't even volunteer (though I know I should). But it is my small little contribution to trying to make the world a better place, and it makes me feel a little bit good.
But this year I've been really, really stingy. As in, I haven't given anything at all. Even though the local animal shelter burned down, the oil spill happened in the Gulf, some of my political issues are under severe threat, etc.
The cost of my infertility treatments this year has been about $20,000, I think. (I haven't sat down and tallied it, as the thought makes me cringe.) This expense has really changed my mindset about philanthropy. And I don't feel good about it.
In fact I feel pretty selfish.
So I've taken to lying to the people who call on the phone to ask me to give money. Most often, I pretend I'm not me and tell them that I'm not home. Yes, I realize that lying is also not good for my sense of morality. And this is why I am posting on it.
I had a break-through yesterday.
A very kind woman called last night to ask if I could help support issue Q as I have done in the past. I politely told her that someone in my family has needed very expensive medical treatments this year and so we aren't able to make a donation, but that I hope to give again in the future.
And it isn't a lie. I am sick, something is wrong with me. I'm infertile and it is costing a lot of money to try medical intervention.
I obviously didn't tell the caller what was wrong, who it was, or anything like that. But the verbal acknowledgment of something medically difficult happening in my family, that really felt good. It felt good to hear someone say, "oh, I'm so sorry. I hope everything works out ok."
Dh and I have kept all of this so secret that it has a very weird and not-good feeling. The only place it doesn't feel weird is here in blogland. And now, when a telemarketer calls and I know what to say.
I get it completely -- this is crazily expensive and stressful, and while you want to support everything that is important to you, sometimes you just can't (or probably shouldn't).
ReplyDeleteFrankly, it's the people with oodles of money that should be ashamed of how little they give. If every US billionaire (and there aren't that many) were to give away 50% of their wealth, overall charitable contributions in the US would more than double. There is a movement led by Warren Buffet and the Gates's to have them do just that. So don't feel guilt, and just focus on doing what you need for your family.