wishing

I haven't posted in a while.  For one, work has been crazy busy.  I had to review a bunch of grant proposals and then travel across the country for a panel meeting to decide who should and should not get money.  I also had two lectures to prepare last week and an exam to write and set-up for yesterday (when I was out of town).  And in the midst of those things, finish up a manuscript and forget to write an important letter of recommendation.  Luckily tomorrow is a holiday, so no class.

But tomorrow is also the day that Dh leaves for 6 weeks of field work. 

I just got back from the airport and wrote that late letter of recommendation.  My head is not right and I can't decide if I am in a bad mood or not.  I hardly slept at all last night so that might be the reason.  And it has been a long day.  And Dh leaves tomorrow night. 

The day I found out I was pregnant I had put on a little string bracelet, one of those "make a wish" ones that is supposed to fall off when your wish comes true.  I wished for peace. 

It fell off sometime today.  I am wondering if I have my peace.  Maybe, but it feels so fragile. 

Mo and Will's bad news reminds me of the fragility even more.  I can't imagine the anguish they are feeling right now; it breaks my heart to think of what they are going through.

I wish

I wish that I had a more positive personality. 

I wish I was more laid back.

I wish I didn't have to write the freakin syllabus for my course.

I wish I could get someone else to teach the course for that matter.  Yea, like Obama.  Where the hell is the President when you really need him?

I wish I could eat a huge chocolate bar, but I'll  refrain given that I'm trying for a really healthy diet until I get another blood test done.

I wish I hadn't gained 5 pounds from the trying-to-get-pregnant phase so that I wouldn't feel so bad about the 3 I've gained since then.  Hard to not think I gained 8 pounds in the first trimester instead of 3...   I know it doesn't matter, but, see wishes #1 and 2.


I wish dh was home.

My kitty wishes dh was home too -- I'm not as much fun (it hurts to play rough with the beasty, and believe me, he likes it rough)

I wish my CVS test was already over and the results all back and good.

Oh hell, I wish I was already 36 weeks pregnant for that matter.

I wish I had remembered to get my mom's birthday present this week so I wouldn't have to send it rushed on Monday.

I wish I had a more positive personality...  oh, did I already say that?  Man do I need to chillax... (a word that is now officially in the dictionary).