One of the reasons I'd like to have a baby is that it will bring in such new people into my life, and in different ways. I meet people now, but it's always through work, and as such they are professional relationships. I don't have many friend friends, in fact, I kind of only have one who lives in the same town as me. And she has kids, although she's pretty incredible on the understanding side b/c she had a hard time conceiving her first (ended up doing it through IVF).
But a baby would change this for me. I could be friends with other moms, take the kid to play groups, get involved with school activities, sports, hobbies, the next door neighbors who have kids, etc. I want that.
But you can't do those things without having a kid to bring to the table. You just don't belong in those circles without the right reason to be there -- a kid.
I went to my friend's daughter's birthday party and all of the parents there looked at me like I was really really weird to be there sans child. I think they thought I might be a kidnapper or molester actually, as people kept a squeaky eye on me the whole time. I did not like it.
I worry about how lonely my life is. I'm very close with my husband but we both travel a lot and not at the same time. I'm home a lot by myself. And he's about 20 years older than me. So while it sounds absolutely horrible, I really feel like a need a social support network so that I'm not all by myself one day. I'm very far away from my sister, and though we talk on the phone all the time it just isn't the same thing as a geographically close support network.
How does one find this while being in the minority IF group? I just can't be close buddies with people I work with -- I'm in a man's world and so I can't have a personal side. Hard to explain, but my years of experience have taught me this the hard way.
And I fantasize about reading bedtime stories... I so yearn for that... and you know, I'm good at it too. Different voices for each character, you name it. I love that stuff. And a hug, I just really want a little kid snuggle.
This hit me pretty hard. I guess it did because I feel much the same way: while I do have friends, many have left the city to have kids and I don't have that kid thing to talk about with them. And so when I see these families in the park with their kids I want that -- I want the cameraderie that comes from having a kid in the same swim class or preschool.
ReplyDeleteNot sure how this helps, but you are not alone in how you are feeling, and I wish you all the best in getting what you want.
I'm in the same position as you but I've come to a crossroads where I need to decide to pursue IVF or not. For me IVF would come only after surgery to remove my fallopian tubes. The tubes have to be removed before IVF because they fill with this embryotoxic fluid that kills or washes any embryos out. Although the tubes are not blocked, my chances of conceiving naturally are 1% without IVF and 30% with it. It seems like paying between $10-15000 for a 30% chance is hard to stomach. Plus, I don't know where we would get the money. Now I'm thinking about adoption. It won't be my own but at least I'll have a chance to be a mom. I hate to ask this question but have you ever thought about it? And if so what are your reasons for not pursuing it?
ReplyDeleteI hear you on this. Something that has helped to satisfy these longings a little for me is having a dog. I get to know other dog owners, go to dog training or sport classes, am part of a consumer sub-culture of dogginess, and although he's not so big on being read to, there are lots of puppy snuggles to be had. I don't know what I would do without him right now.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, and hoping that swim class is around the corner.
Love,
Maddy