Update on my treatments...
I'm 2 weeks into my BCP stasis to let the cysts go away. I really didn't want to wait 3-4 weeks to find out if things were getting better, and luckily my Dr. was totally cool with this.
So I had a baseline ultrasound today and blood draw. I am not sure what the blood draw was about, but whatever.
The more important thing is that my cysts are much much smaller and the Dr. thinks we are good to go.
Dh turns to me and says, "That's good news!"
...and all I can think is how pathetic it is that cysts getting smaller is GOOD news...
There are 5-6 follicles visible, so if I am lucky maybe I'll have 5-6 for this round. But, I have no confidence in luck.
So here's my question. Do I jump in and have hope? Risking extreme heartbreak? Or, do I go ahead and plan on a negative and do what I can to start moving on to whatever is next?
It's scary to jump into the hope pool rather than sliding in while maintaining a safe hold on the side, as it really hurts to hit the cement bottom when there isn't any water.
What a dilemia...I hate it when things like this happen and it throws off your whole cycle.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by for a visit to my blog. I am now a followers of yours too !
Yay for cysts going away! (Don't minimize the small victories, sometimes that's all you've got)
ReplyDeleteOn hope, I'm too much of an idiot not to be hopeful. I completely agree with you that having hope just leads the door open for increased heartache, but I somehow have to believe.... And I'm not even one of those annoying perky/ chipper types. As someone else wrote (and I will appropriate) -- I'm just hope's bitch. Sad, but true.
My policy is to hope like hell and maintain a BFN list just in case. It has helped me a lot this past month, and I highly recommend it. Because, although I get the need for self-protection, one is going to experience heartbreak if one doesn't get pregnant NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. So planning for ways to cope with that is your BFN insurance, and I HOPE you won't have to use it!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Maddy
A clear baseline is always reason for hope in my book. It's those last days before beta when I steel myself for the inevitable negative and start making a new plan.
ReplyDeleteSo it looks like we'll be cycling at the same time again? I should be having an IUI around next Thurs or Fri.
But Gwinne I'm hoping you'll get pregnant next week and then you'll be a month ahead of me in our respective pregnancies... :)
ReplyDeleteThank you all -- I'll go with hope, and lean significantly on you all with tears if/when...
love & kisses, inB
So what's the timeline you're working with? When do you start stims?
ReplyDeleteHope is so hard. Allowing yourself to be lifted even a millimeter above the cement doesn't seem to make the fall any less painful, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteCautiously hopeful, that's where I'd go. And I agree with Maddie, having BFN insurance will help and I too hope you don't have to use it.
Also, thanks for commenting on my dresser re-do! I'm psyched about it and doing more for that room - I already got fabric for the seat so hopefully I'll be able to get that done tonight.
Sure, I say to hope. not in the sense of counting on things working, but in the sense that it is definitely better to be thinking "I might be pregnant" (I.e., during a 2ww) than it is to know "I'm not pregnant" (after your period arrives). For me, anyways. Without hope, I'd have nothing.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to reading more of your old blog posts... and glad you found me!