Sunday, August 7, 2011

Reflections on the trip back home

1) I am very grateful that I am older and more comfortable with my life choices.  By the time I left I had had about enough of the sideways comments from my mom about breastfeeding (she actually told several people that I missed my calling as a wet nurse, in front of me; talk about awkward).  I had also had about enough of people implying that I was torturing my baby by not letting her eat anything but milk.  Luckily my parents' friends are much more supportive of breast feeding than my mom is so there were some supportive conversations, and ones that they initiated in front of her.  Oh, and I was getting really tired of not having a chair to sit in in my room.  It is really hard to nurse hunched over on the edge of the bed six times a day.

2) My sister.  Oh my sister.  She is amazing.  I don't think I've shared much of her story here so let me give you some background.  She had her son when she was 29 and at 31 started trying for a second baby.  That was 12 years ago.  She has been through more infertility treatments than I could keep track of.  We stopped talking about it for a long time because she wanted our relationship to be an escape from all of that.  So I never asked, she just told me things when she wanted me to know.  And she called me a couple of months ago to tell me that their third surrogate is pregnant!  She was SO nervous about telling my parents.  Neither of us was sure what their reaction to the surrogacy thing would be.  Let me tell you, my sister made the announcement in the most eloquent way that it would have been impossible for someone to not be excited and happy for them.  I was really really impressed.  And can I tell you that she is *glowing*!  I think the pregnant lady glow is more from happiness than pregnancy hormones.

3) Mads did not realize that adults prefer babies that sleep on planes.  Needless to say, she did not make many friends on the plane ride there.  And then she totally lost it on the drive to my parents' house from the airport (which is about 2.5 hours).  Luckily it was just family in the car...  The flight home had all the makings for a nightmare.  The flight was delayed about 4 hours and we were stuck at the gate just the two of us.  But Mads was happy to watch all the people and to play with me.  There was a little nursing nook in the bathroom right near our gate so feeding her wasn't awkward.  And when we got on the plane she fell right to sleep.  BUT THEN... 100 french teenagers on a school trip got on and sat all around us.  They were all simultaneously shouting and talking and, of course, Mads woke up and wanted to know what was going on.  This was now an hour past her bed time so she was pretty tired.  We sat on the tarmac for another hour listening to the french teenagers.  Me trying to keep Mads from getting too crazy.  Luckily, once the plane took off the lights went out and all of them (the french teenagers and my baby) slept for the entire flight.  BTW, if you can afford it I strongly recommend getting a separate seat for the baby.  It would have been a nightmare having her in my lap the whole time (it was a 5 hours flight).

4) It is wonderful to be home.

5) My husband has been out of town since right before we left for my parents house and he won't be back until the 19th of August.  I have even more respect and awe for you single moms out there.  It is really hard always being the one on call and I haven't been doing it for all that long.  Dh isn't even that involved of a dad; I do about 95% of the childcare.  But having that fall-back for the 5% really does make a big difference.  You all are AMAZING. 

4 comments:

  1. Wow-- congratulations to your sister! And to you! And to Mads! So wonderful to be welcoming a baby into your family. And of course, especially after such a long struggle. 12 years. Wow.

    I don't know what is wrong with mothers-- do you think they are just weirdly defensive because they don't actually have any authority over the baby, but want some? My mom is the same way. She isn't pro-formula, but she is always trying to feed Penelope water, ice cream, dirt, pacifiers... none of which we want her to have!!

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  2. Welcome home, congrats to your sister, and ugh ... congratulations on surviving your visit! I find I have been whipping out my boob *less* discreetly in front of people who seem to be obnoxious about it. Have you seen this?

    http://www.etsy.com/listing/71387181/breastfeeding-or-breast-cancer-awareness

    Too funny.

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  3. I love this! Thanks so much for sharing the link Justine. Maddy needs one. I haven't yet hit the point where I want to be a bit more "in your face" with people about breastfeeding. I bet I would be the second time around. Although I am more up front about it where I live b/c this is hippy-ville and I know no one would have the guts to say anything to me even if they were uncomfortable. But back home, in the south, I feel much more comfortable just going in the other room and hanging with Maddy by myself.

    Lesley - maybe there is something to the moms-wanting-control-but-can't-have-it thing. That makes a lot of sense. Doesn't it also make you wonder what the heck your parents and family gave you when you were a tiny baby?! But this also reminds me that no one little thing will likely cause Mads permanent damage.

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  4. Oh, mothers... Mine asked this morning if I was giving my baby water and tea (?) Apparently, when we were little that was conventional wisdom -- giving babies chamomile tea to sleep better, additional water when it's hot outside...

    It's interesting how no matter what my mom says she manages to make me feel like I'm messing up. That's some powerful guilt-tripping mojo; I wonder if we'll acquire it with our kids? ;)

    Congrats on heroically undertaking such a long trip with Maddy! And I hear you on back pain while nursing in the absence of your chair -- I nurse using the football hold or cross-cradle (big boobs), so I do all of it sitting on the bed or the sofa. My back is constantly killing me...

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