1) I am very grateful that I am older and more comfortable with my life choices. By the time I left I had had about enough of the sideways comments from my mom about breastfeeding (she actually told several people that I missed my calling as a wet nurse, in front of me; talk about awkward). I had also had about enough of people implying that I was torturing my baby by not letting her eat anything but milk. Luckily my parents' friends are much more supportive of breast feeding than my mom is so there were some supportive conversations, and ones that they initiated in front of her. Oh, and I was getting really tired of not having a chair to sit in in my room. It is really hard to nurse hunched over on the edge of the bed six times a day.
2) My sister. Oh my sister. She is amazing. I don't think I've shared much of her story here so let me give you some background. She had her son when she was 29 and at 31 started trying for a second baby. That was 12 years ago. She has been through more infertility treatments than I could keep track of. We stopped talking about it for a long time because she wanted our relationship to be an escape from all of that. So I never asked, she just told me things when she wanted me to know. And she called me a couple of months ago to tell me that their third surrogate is pregnant! She was SO nervous about telling my parents. Neither of us was sure what their reaction to the surrogacy thing would be. Let me tell you, my sister made the announcement in the most eloquent way that it would have been impossible for someone to not be excited and happy for them. I was really really impressed. And can I tell you that she is *glowing*! I think the pregnant lady glow is more from happiness than pregnancy hormones.
3) Mads did not realize that adults prefer babies that sleep on planes. Needless to say, she did not make many friends on the plane ride there. And then she totally lost it on the drive to my parents' house from the airport (which is about 2.5 hours). Luckily it was just family in the car... The flight home had all the makings for a nightmare. The flight was delayed about 4 hours and we were stuck at the gate just the two of us. But Mads was happy to watch all the people and to play with me. There was a little nursing nook in the bathroom right near our gate so feeding her wasn't awkward. And when we got on the plane she fell right to sleep. BUT THEN... 100 french teenagers on a school trip got on and sat all around us. They were all simultaneously shouting and talking and, of course, Mads woke up and wanted to know what was going on. This was now an hour past her bed time so she was pretty tired. We sat on the tarmac for another hour listening to the french teenagers. Me trying to keep Mads from getting too crazy. Luckily, once the plane took off the lights went out and all of them (the french teenagers and my baby) slept for the entire flight. BTW, if you can afford it I strongly recommend getting a separate seat for the baby. It would have been a nightmare having her in my lap the whole time (it was a 5 hours flight).
4) It is wonderful to be home.
5) My husband has been out of town since right before we left for my parents house and he won't be back until the 19th of August. I have even more respect and awe for you single moms out there. It is really hard always being the one on call and I haven't been doing it for all that long. Dh isn't even that involved of a dad; I do about 95% of the childcare. But having that fall-back for the 5% really does make a big difference. You all are AMAZING.
Showing posts with label airports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label airports. Show all posts
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Strollers, airplanes, and kicks
It is very early in the morning again. I slept for about three hours and then woke with a headache. Laid in bed for an hour and then decided to get up and blog, surf the web.
Yesterday we did a bunch of house/baby errands. But I don't feel much better about it because I am ridiculously stressed out about strollers. Do any of you have advice? I really like the ones that you can switch the seat so that it faces front and/or back, but they are pretty expensive and the one I like the best has a bassinet thing that I really don't think I'd use much, and that increases the cost a lot.
And then I was thinking about the car seat. Those things are really heavy. How will I carry little M in her car seat? I am not that strong, and we live on a hill with lots of steps from our garage to our house.
Which leads into thinking about travel. I have been trying to envision flying to my parents this summer with a 3 month old (by myself). All of the gear is overwhelming me. Do I need to have her in her car seat on the plane ride? How will I carry it along with the seat base? How will I go to the bathroom myself? this seems to require not only a car seat but also a stroller to get all the stuff to the plane, and also a carrier so that I can take her to the bathroom with me and still have my hands free so I can use the restroom myself. And then what about all the stuff she'll need while we are there. Oh my god. I am starting to feel very overwhelmed by all the logistics.
It almost makes me feel like I should just stay at home for a year. But that is absurd, of course we should go places.
So then I try to just think of how much I am looking forward to holding little M. But then I start worrying about stillbirth; I unfortunately know two women IRL who lost babies during birth, and then there are all the ones online too. I have't let myself read too much about it, so I don't know all the reasons why this can happen, but I have started to think and worry more about it lately. I guess I won't fully believe that this baby is really going to be here until she is home with me.
But of course, there are other things to worry about too. For example, little M moves a lot these days, and it is sometimes really weird jerky movements: a random one punch, frantic flops like a fish out of water. This makes me worried. Do other fetuses move in sometimes really jerky ways or is there maybe something not right with her neurologically?
I look forward to the real morning when I will have managed to get back to sleep for an hour or two. Things will seem less overwhelming and worrisome then. The sun will be up, and I can try to go back to just being pregnant.
Yesterday we did a bunch of house/baby errands. But I don't feel much better about it because I am ridiculously stressed out about strollers. Do any of you have advice? I really like the ones that you can switch the seat so that it faces front and/or back, but they are pretty expensive and the one I like the best has a bassinet thing that I really don't think I'd use much, and that increases the cost a lot.
And then I was thinking about the car seat. Those things are really heavy. How will I carry little M in her car seat? I am not that strong, and we live on a hill with lots of steps from our garage to our house.
Which leads into thinking about travel. I have been trying to envision flying to my parents this summer with a 3 month old (by myself). All of the gear is overwhelming me. Do I need to have her in her car seat on the plane ride? How will I carry it along with the seat base? How will I go to the bathroom myself? this seems to require not only a car seat but also a stroller to get all the stuff to the plane, and also a carrier so that I can take her to the bathroom with me and still have my hands free so I can use the restroom myself. And then what about all the stuff she'll need while we are there. Oh my god. I am starting to feel very overwhelmed by all the logistics.
It almost makes me feel like I should just stay at home for a year. But that is absurd, of course we should go places.
So then I try to just think of how much I am looking forward to holding little M. But then I start worrying about stillbirth; I unfortunately know two women IRL who lost babies during birth, and then there are all the ones online too. I have't let myself read too much about it, so I don't know all the reasons why this can happen, but I have started to think and worry more about it lately. I guess I won't fully believe that this baby is really going to be here until she is home with me.
But of course, there are other things to worry about too. For example, little M moves a lot these days, and it is sometimes really weird jerky movements: a random one punch, frantic flops like a fish out of water. This makes me worried. Do other fetuses move in sometimes really jerky ways or is there maybe something not right with her neurologically?
I look forward to the real morning when I will have managed to get back to sleep for an hour or two. Things will seem less overwhelming and worrisome then. The sun will be up, and I can try to go back to just being pregnant.
Friday, November 12, 2010
airport thoughts and observations
I put Dh and his 5 huge bags on the airplane last night. I always take a photo of us sitting together at the airport right before he leaves to go through security, one of those goofy self-photos. It's a superstition thing for me, but I don't think he knows that. He used to think I was really silly to do it, but he's starting to get into it. He looks really good in the photo. I can see my wrinkles. I had been kidding myself that they weren't very obvious. Oh well.
On my flights to and from the meeting earlier this week I noticed a few things about human behavior:
1) men over 30 are either especially nice to women who are pregnant, or men over 30 are especially nice to women who are a little on the round side.
2) some people looked at my pregnant belly and then looked away a little ashamed, as if were embarrassed by the very open acknowledgment that I have had sex. Little do they know how much sex was NOT involved with my getting pregnant. In fact, it has been a really long time since I had sex... we are very paranoid about miscarriages over here.
3) people that you kind of know professionally will generally not say anything about your bulging belly, but they will look at you sideways and maybe even giggle a little.
On my flights to and from the meeting earlier this week I noticed a few things about human behavior:
1) men over 30 are either especially nice to women who are pregnant, or men over 30 are especially nice to women who are a little on the round side.
2) some people looked at my pregnant belly and then looked away a little ashamed, as if were embarrassed by the very open acknowledgment that I have had sex. Little do they know how much sex was NOT involved with my getting pregnant. In fact, it has been a really long time since I had sex... we are very paranoid about miscarriages over here.
3) people that you kind of know professionally will generally not say anything about your bulging belly, but they will look at you sideways and maybe even giggle a little.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
adventures with progesterone
Some of you may remember that I had a crisis with my progesterone IM injections a while back. I figured out a way to make them tolerable, but it was always fairly painful. So I am extremely grateful that I got to stop those once I hit the 9 week mark.
My butt is no longer sore, and all those hard nodules that formed are starting to go away. This makes me happy.
Now I'm on the suppositories. They make me wonder who in the world came up with the idea of pushing little pills up into one's nether regions. I mean seriously. The dilemma with them is as follows:
1) it's a big pill and that means that lots of stuff has to exit at some point, in a big gooey mess (sorry to be graphic here). It is just plain gross and I'm very grateful for panty liners. (Luckily the pills I got this time are yellow, so that constant "oh my god is it blood?" you get with the pink ones isn't there. And on that note, what smart ass would make a pink vaginal suppository for a woman trying to get pregnant? It looks like it is tinged with blood!!! I mean really? Can you say "clueless"?)
2) I take them three times a day. Morning is easy, night is easy. The middle of the day is a little more complicated. For example, the other day when I was flying home I needed to take my dose while in the airport public restroom. Silly me managed to tilt my big bottle of progesterone pills a little too far in one direction while juggling the change in panty liners and all my carry-on luggage, which meant pills went bouncing all over the freaking bathroom. I wondered if there was another IF in there who would know what they were and laugh... that was the only redeeming part of the experience, thinking that I might have made an IF sister feel less alone and amused at my folly.
But you know what? I feel so incredibly lucky to get to be doing this. It just goes to show how unfair life is that I got to be one of the lucky ones this summer. I don't deserve it, and my IF journey so far has been so much shorter than so many others of you. Believe me, I remember that every single minute of the day.
My butt is no longer sore, and all those hard nodules that formed are starting to go away. This makes me happy.
Now I'm on the suppositories. They make me wonder who in the world came up with the idea of pushing little pills up into one's nether regions. I mean seriously. The dilemma with them is as follows:
1) it's a big pill and that means that lots of stuff has to exit at some point, in a big gooey mess (sorry to be graphic here). It is just plain gross and I'm very grateful for panty liners. (Luckily the pills I got this time are yellow, so that constant "oh my god is it blood?" you get with the pink ones isn't there. And on that note, what smart ass would make a pink vaginal suppository for a woman trying to get pregnant? It looks like it is tinged with blood!!! I mean really? Can you say "clueless"?)
2) I take them three times a day. Morning is easy, night is easy. The middle of the day is a little more complicated. For example, the other day when I was flying home I needed to take my dose while in the airport public restroom. Silly me managed to tilt my big bottle of progesterone pills a little too far in one direction while juggling the change in panty liners and all my carry-on luggage, which meant pills went bouncing all over the freaking bathroom. I wondered if there was another IF in there who would know what they were and laugh... that was the only redeeming part of the experience, thinking that I might have made an IF sister feel less alone and amused at my folly.
But you know what? I feel so incredibly lucky to get to be doing this. It just goes to show how unfair life is that I got to be one of the lucky ones this summer. I don't deserve it, and my IF journey so far has been so much shorter than so many others of you. Believe me, I remember that every single minute of the day.
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