On Sunday I flew out to visit my parents for the first time in a long, long time.
I was really hurt over their lack of a reaction to my miscarriage and avoided them like the plague. It was as if I had told them I found a yummy new ice cream at the grocery store, and then called later to say it had all melted on the way home and I couldn't eat it. In fact, probably worse, becuase I bet my mom would have asked the next week if I had gotten another carton of the ice cream...
It has taken me a long time, but I have gradually moved past this. I am not sure I forgive them, but I have learned one too many times now to not expect much emotional support. This lesson has maybe finally sunk in, and so I was emotionally strong enough to come for a visit.
My family is big on martinis and coffe and exercise, so I was confronted with not really having an option of not telling them I am a little bit pregnant. They would have been suspicious, and I would have felt mean by lying.
They are really excited and happy. And have been really nice and supportive. I am a big baby about some things, as I have mentioned to you all that I feel like this pregnancy is made of fine crystal and might break. They seem ok with this, even though it is so not their style.
My mom's yoga instructor had two miscarriages before her first baby, and is now pregnant again. Mom made a comment about how this woman acts the same way, and in fairly understanding way (for her). That has been nice.
We'll never be a touchy feely, share your emotions kind of family, but its been nice to be home. And nice to be around people who have the worldview that if you get pregnant, you have a baby. But also, very very scary. I so don't want to jinx myself.
I'm glad that you got to go home, even though it was also difficult for you. It sounds as though you've been able to accept them for who they are, even if they don't necessarily give you all that you need emotionally.
ReplyDeleteIt's natural to feel like you might break after enduring a loss. Try not to let that PAL (pregnancy after a loss brain) get the best of you. (((HUGS)))
I completely get this ... my mother was the same way, with both of my miscarriages. My neighbor and my administrative assistant took better care of me those times than she did ... and I was so hurt and angry. Part of the reason we still haven't told my mom I'm pregnant (now week 13 ...). I'm guessing it's going to have to happen soon. But at some point, we also have to accept our parents for who they are, and aren't.
ReplyDeleteAt some point, I hope we meet in real life over (decaf) coffee. We simply have too much in common not to. :)
Whew! You did it! I have to do this soon too (tell my parents), and I admit I am a little nervous. I think everyone will be happy, but I am just so used to not opening up with my parents that it will be hard to share something so important. Even though I totally want them to know and everything, it is just hard to open up when you aren't used to it!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard when our family is not as we would like or need them to be. But it sounds as if you handled this really well and that it all has worked out nicely for the time.
ReplyDeleteSo exciting you got to tell someone!!!
Hey -- you still there?? You've been dark for a week, so just checking in!
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