My eating habits have changed so much since I got pregnant. I get really, really hungry all of a sudden but then it is hard to eat very much, and I have to eat really slowly. So, as recommended in all the books and on all the websites, I have taken to eating snacks all day long (essentially -- b/c what's really the difference between a really small meal and a snack?).
This helps with the icky feeling (and the bloating and gas, for that matter), though it is distracting b/c I end up thinking about food almost all the time. (On Saturday I was so tired that the only thing I did all day was go between naps and cooking for myself. That was it, the entire freaking day.)
This eating situation feels like a metaphor for how I feel about the whole pregnancy thing. I get really panicky about it all and then decide to let myself go with the idea that it will definitely work. But I can only do this in small bites, and then have to step away else I get nauseated (really). It is always on my mind, but I can't stand to let my brain contemplate very much of it. So the emotions and contemplating dribble out over the day and I end up with a not-very-satisfied feeling, not sure if a full-fledged gorging on "I'm going to have a baby!" will make me feel better or worse. And the thought of it makes me feel kind of sick, either way.
I'm not sure any of that metaphor actually makes sense, as I haven't quite figured out how to articulate it. But everything these days, emotionally and in terms of my hunger, is like when you feel kind of nauseous and you know that one type of food will make you feel all better. But, for the life of you you can't figure out what it is.
Basically, I've worked out the food. But emotionally, I just have no idea how to "be" pregnant.
Your Saturday sounds great!!! I love those days!
ReplyDeleteAs for how to be pregnant, I don't know either. I felt really weird announcing it, cause I was thinking: "What if I'm not really pregnant?" I had to doppler the baby right before telling my parents. There are still no real physical signs of it, besides tiredness, bloating, a largish round lump in my lower abdomen... but still, nothing obvious. I don't understand why we have to wait so long to get to a pregnancy of the swallowed-a-kicking-watermelon variety. I am imagining that achieving that stage will make it more "real".
I like the metaphor. :) Have you tried ginger? I've been making my ginger-lemon-carrot muffins for my pregnant blogger friends, and that seems to help ... I'd be happy to make some for you, too.
ReplyDeleteSecond trimester, you'll get REALLY hungry. At least, that's where I am. About to scour the kitchen right now, in fact. Not gorging on the "wow, I'm pregnant" feeling, because it's still so ... well ... not-real, but definitely needing more.
I am jealous I am jealous I am jealous -- even with small snacky meals (half a sandwich, a yogurt, some almonds) I still feel as if I am going to puke ALL THE TIME. So if you've broken the code, good for you!
ReplyDeleteOn how to "be pregnant"? Yeah, no fucking idea. Let me know if you figure this out!!
Ha! It sounds to me you know exactly how to be pregnant! Since you are worrying about it! :-)
ReplyDeleteI would get so sick, that I couldn't scroll on my computer. It was soooo difficult to work or blog or email. Ugh.
You'll start believing it more soon.