I love waking up to all those wonderful comments to last night's insomnia stress post. Thank you all so much! I decided to stop thinking about strollers for at least a day, and I took myself off of a project at work. It was so hard to do, as I really wanted to write this little article and it would have been fun and I would have been a great person to do it, and I would have gotten some personal-career promotion from it. But I am feeling so exhausted these days that I need to be realistic. So I wrote the email, and cringed when I hit "send". It was the right thing to do though. And it lifts a little of the work burden off my shoulders.
And then I turned my weary headachy head to Dh during breakfast to learn some news he's clearly been keeping to himself for a couple of days. His parents are coming.
Dh's parents meet up with their friends at a resort-y type place about 2 hours away from where we live every year in March or April. They didn't make it last year because they both had the flu. And then his dad had the heart attack in July and the metastasized prostate cancer diagnosis in August/September.
Since Dh's dad is sort-of feeling better (although he has to take a 3 hour nap every day), they plan on going this year. Oh, and they plan to drive the 10 hours themselves.
Oh, and it is March 30, 31, and April 1.
Bad enough that they are not anywhere near fit enough to make this drive safely, that they are too cheap to break it up over three days and stay at hotels along the way, and that Dh's mom can't drive at all.
But add onto it the fact that they want to see us.
We renovated our house over the last few years and they haven't seen it yet, so we are thinking they want to come stay with us.
Remember, this is the mother-in-law who was not exactly excited or happy for us when she learned of the impending baby. This is the MIL who is ridiculously judgmental about food. This is the MIL who doesn't wash dishes with soap.
If little M is born on her due date, she'll be just over 3 weeks old.
OMG.
But given how ill Dh's dad is, this might be their only chance to see our house, and delays in seeing their new granddaughter are not a good idea.
But 3 freaking weeks old????!!!!
I don't know if I can handle this. I don't think I have a choice. I have no idea how this will ever work out ok.
Oh, this does NOT sound like a good scenario. You need to put them up in a nearby hotel. I am serious.
ReplyDeleteUgh, another stressor, just what you need right now! I'd say the one good thing is this scenario is that they would be in your home so more on your terms. For example you'll still have access to your food and not have to deal with only her itty bitty portions and such. So sorry you have this added stress to think about right now. Good for you for letting go of that project, I know it couldn't have been easy, but definitely sounds like it was best for you.
ReplyDeleteUmmm -- I've been away for a bit and to come back and see this stresses ME out. I guess it's ok if they stay with you if you and DH have one of those "let's be super clear about what you are going to do to prevent me from losing my mind" conversations and you are confident he'll hold up his end of the bargain. Otherwise, I think that you and DH offer to put them up in a nearby hotel under the "you won't get any sleep at our place" excuse. Because I actually think they won't -- a full nights uninterrupted sleep and a 3 hour nap midday with a newborn around? Good luck with that!
ReplyDeleteSorry that it's another annoying thing....
I agree with Rebecca, your house, your terms....and just think about how short life is and how it could very well be one of their last trips there....focus on you and baby, let dh handle his parents. It will all work out, deep breaths!!!
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Your house your rules. Your kids come first - even before MIL. 3 weeks after I gave birth I was a mess - it's when the hormones hit.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the info-- I am reassured by those stories. I feel so bad being so selfish in discussing someone else's tragedies, but I can't help it right now... it is scary!! We are so close!
ReplyDeleteThe reason we got the chicco system is because the stroller seat folds all the way down into a travel bassinet, which none of the other brands that we looked at did-- I know you said that you wouldn't use the bassinet feature much, but I actually remember when I was little, my stroller folded all the way down, and I loved that I could just take a nap on the go in it. I don't know why the other brands make the kid sit up all the time! What if you are out late or something, you know? But we didn't look at the more expensive brands, we just picked out of the selection at babies r us. Our main thing that we went back and forth on was the wheels-- the chicco stroller has smallish molded plastic wheels, and we thought a jogger might be better for us, to wheel her right onto the beach or whatever. So we might get a jogger later-- I don't know. It's a tough decision.
She washes dishes without soap? Make sure she washes her hands before holding/touching the baby.
ReplyDeleteWow.... Your blog post title took my breath away because I remember your recent post about your visit at their place... Once you called out that this falls shortly after little M is born... I don't know. Very tough.
ReplyDeleteYou wont starve... since it's your house you can make sure dh feeds you as much as you need to nourish the little one...
But exactly how long would they plan to stay? Since you'll have a newborn I think you have every right to put restrictions on their welcome.... 2, maybe 3 nights? And if she offends you or lil M... go all post-partum on them and make them leave....
I have no idea if this is sound advise (probably not)... but overall I say you do what is best for you, dh and lil M.
Egad. Can you make reservations for them at a local B&B, and call it a present? (For you, of course, but you don't need to tell THEM that.) You don't need that kind of stress with a three week old child that you're just getting to know ... can DH help with this arguing at all?
ReplyDeleteAnd I missed the last post, but sorry to hear about the insomnia ... yes, babies do seem to require a lot of gear, but I recommend going as simple as possible. Some of the infant car seats aren't so bad, and the Graco frame that many of them snap into is quite light, making the stroller decision moot, at least for a while. I think those "travel systems" are hell on small wheels, personally. I also recommend some kind of infant carrier you can strap to yourself (whether it's a wrap or sling or Baby Bjorn) so you have hands free.
But you're not going to think about strollers tonight; you're going to rummage through your cabinets for something tasty, and maybe have a cup of herbal tea, and enjoy the weird flip-flops in your abdomen (mine does that, too, though less so these days now that there isn't much room in there).
Maybe treat them to a nearby hotel for a few days? Family is never easy, I know that first-hand.
ReplyDeleteAs for you last post about baby gear - here are some ideas I've had. For travel, you can get a umbrella stroller or something lighter and more portable than your everyday stroller. You can rent car seats and bases at car rental places so you dont have to lug your own with. M can be a lap child when flying. And I agree, those bassinet inserts for the stroller are useless, just make sure your stroller is compatible with your car seat. I got a Bubmleride stroller, and while I haven't used it much yet, I think it will work well for me. Lightweight, folds easily, good on city terrain (bumpy).
hang in there!!
oh man, my inlaws came to visit when our daughter was 1 month. It was hard. Fortunately our place does not allow for people to actually sleep there unless they want to sleep on the floor. My best advice, stick up for your kid, (ie make MIL wash hands and whatever else you deem necessary) and try to pretend it is a bad dream that you can soon forget. Maybe schedule a massage for when they leave as a detox.
ReplyDeleteSorry this has come up as a stressor for you right now. I hope you can work with your husband on a team approach and maybe map out some gameplans or if/then scenarios. Sending good wishes, hope you are feeling more supported/connected.
ReplyDeleteOh, InB, this is the last thing you need! But in a way, perhaps the fact that you will be so preoccupied with little M will be a good thing - it will be your husband's job to take care of everything to do with this visit. I like Kristina's idea of if/then scenarios. And...just a thought, but what about having one of your close friend or family members coming to stay with you at that time to help out and keep you sane?
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
Love,
Maddy
P.S. I wrote a comment on your insomnia post the very next morning, but it was on my blackberry and it didn't take - was thinking of you, though, and sending lots of love!!
Your comment CRACKED ME UP. Oh, I know-- I am so dreading that part of labor! Eric has firm instructions to only look at my face and NEVER below my waist when the time comes. He has a weak stomach, on top of it. If he peeks at any of that business, we may never have sex again.
ReplyDelete