I've mentioned that some of the men at work have been oddly nice and warm to me now that I am obviously pregnant. However, do not labor under the illusion that everyone I work with is so compassionate and kind.
I want to share an asshole story with you.
I am serving on a search committee for a new faculty member in our department. I almost turned the committee assignment down, since I'm on leave, but I felt like I could do it and wanted to have a say in the process (plus, it's an honor to be asked). Oh, and the chair of the committee is going to try and railroad someone through whom many of us don't like, so I thought I could make an important difference.
Anyway, I'm on this committee, have worked hard on it and been instrumental at key points.
The chair of the committee just decided that each member would "host" a candidate when he visits (they are all men). This means meeting him for breakfast on the first morning, keeping an eye on their schedules, introducing him before his talk, making sure he is ok, etc. I've been on about 4 search committees before at this university and this is the first time the chair of the committee didn't "host" all the candidates himself. So that's weird.
But whatever.
The asshole thing is that the chair came into my office a month or so ago and acted all happy for me being pregnant (he blatantly asked). I didn't dwell on it but was thankful for his good wishes, and was upfront about my due date.
The candidates are all coming in February because another person on the committee mistakenly planned a lot of travel in January.
So, all these dinners and other obligations in February. Keep in mind I'm due March 8th and the committee chair knows this.
He sends out an email the other day suggesting who would "host" which candidate on what dates.
He signs me up to host the very last candidate who is coming a week before my due date.
Now, you might be thinking that the guy is just clueless about pregnancy and birth and didn't think about it when he assigned me to this date. But that would not be true because his wife just gave birth less than a year ago.
He did it intentionally so that I would have to either ask for it to be changed because of my "condition" or likely be unable to do this at the last minute because of my "condition". He wants me to have to say that I can't do something because I'm pregnant and be forced to ask for a favor/special accommodation.
And the department wonders why women feel hostility here... what an asshole. So not surprising.
Ouch. What a total jerk. Can you just switch with the first host without consulting the committee chair? Then you can send him an email afterwards saying something like "John and I are going to switch dates because it suits both of our schedules better". If there's no mention of your 'condition', you can avoid his asshole-y trap! Or, I would probably just ignore the whole thing. Most likely you'll be able to do the hosting. If you do wind up going into labor early, you likely won't really care at that point how they manage your absence from this odd duty.
ReplyDeleteThat's how it is in academics.. I can relate. Men always have it easier although they will never admit it.. they get more pay than us too. Don't worry about it too much.. you are going to be a mom soon!!!
ReplyDeleteI had my own experience with an asshole at work today and am feeling particularly jaded about male academics. It's as if the idea of "confinement" is still alive and well ... and many of them would like nothing better than to confine pregnant women to places where they are not seen *or* heard ... I have never felt more taken advantage of and disempowered in my work than I have during these last few months. I like Lesley's idea ... is there anyone you could conspire with?
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is that the other woman (who is an assistant prof) wrote and suggested that we could switch (immediately recognizing what a bad idea the chair had presented), but she is hosting just a few days before me. The chair himself has the first set of dates.
ReplyDeleteWe actually have a really nasty colleague (who I hate) who hates the chair. I'm thinking, enemy of my enemy is my friend in this situation. I may feed Prof. Nasty the story and let him enjoy using it, as Prof. Nasty likes to pretend that he's very progressive...